This edition of Pet Peeves is dedicated to all those people that make trying to enjoy movie a little more difficult.
The Clingers: You are sitting with a couple of friends in pretty much an empty theater. There are hundreds of empty seats in the front, back, middle, and aisle, everywhere except where you are personally sitting. Then in walks The Clingers. You know as soon as you see them what they are going to do. They stand there, scan the theater, maybe even point near where you are sitting, and then approach. They always choose the seats right behind you, right in front of you, or next to you with only one seat as a buffer. Call me anti-social; but when I am in a dark room for an extended amount of time I do not like to sit next to people that I don’t know. And if you are a Clinger you should know that this is just creepy.
The Laugh Guy: This one doesn’t happen at every movie so when it pops up it pisses me off that much more. You are watching the movie and then a line is said or maybe a gesture made and all of a sudden off to your side you get the one “creative genius” that spouts out some one liner. You know what go see Rocky Horror if you want to participate. If you can’t do that then at least make sure that it is a really bad movie or a comedy or make damn sure that it is a creative and funny comment. If it is not people are not laughing at your comment they are laughing at YOU.
The Talker: Now there are movies that talking is encouraged or what not. I’m referring to most movies where you should be silent. This encompasses several types.
The Socializers: This is the group that for some reason pay $15 or more a person to get into a movie, sit in the dark and in a row, and then yell over the movie to discuss their days, ask how others are doing, making plans for next weekend. Why, seriously why would you do that? There are so many other places that are set up better and cost less for you to talk. I mean do you not even know what movie you chose? Do you just point up at the board and whatever ticket you get is fine? This one really just confuses me.
The Cell Phoner: They don’t deserve me spending anytime trying to even come up with another name for them. 200 people in a theater can turn off their cell phones or put them on vibrate except for one. And that one person has the loudest, most obnoxious ring and of course their cell phone is in the bottom of a purse or something so it takes 5 minutes to find it. You would think that all the attention brought to them by this would make them turn the ring off and not answer. But no then they answer and loudly proclaim to the person on the other end they are “watching a movie”. Sorry but at that point you are no longer watching a movie, in fact neither are the hundred or so others because of YOU. Turn your phone on vibrate, don’t answer it, or if you have to take it outside. I know that you feel if you are still sitting in the theater then you are still getting your moneys worth. But your not and you are ruining it for everyone else.
The My Child Always Behaves Parents: I expect kids in kids’ movies. Shrek, the first couple of Harry Potters, etc. But when I am sitting in an R movie that is packed with cussing, violence, sex, blood, etc. why am I seeing children. Now I’m not going to tell you how to raise your child; but when your child is screaming, crying, and running up and down aisles I have to wonder why you didn’t get a babysitter. I’m sure you kid is charming and always listens; but what else is a kid going to do if they are bored? And while we are at it I think that for anyone under a 1 year old a ticket should cost at least $40. Why? There is really no way that a baby understands a movie. Then add in the fact that it is dark, there are loud sudden noises, and nowhere for them to lay down it is just a huge distraction waiting to happen for both you and everyone else.
The Noise Makers: Once again this has a couple of different types involved.
The Huffer: Never fails there is one person that either gets there a little late or is with a large group so has a limited choice in where to sit. Of course this is not their fault. And even though THEY chose one of maybe 2 or 3 sitting options they are just not going to be happy. They are either too far away, too close, can’t see over someone’s head, and didn’t have time to get snacks. You learn all of this during the trailers. Then when the movie starts they do stop talking; but it is replaced with the “huff” that comes and goes throughout the movie whenever they feel people should know they are unhappy. You know what no one is going to come along and fix whatever it is that you are so upset about. So stopping huffing, move, go get your snacks, or just show up earlier.
The Loud Eater: Of course during a movie you are going to make some noise picking up your popcorn, or opening candy. That is no big deal. But have you ever set next to someone that seems to only be there for the food? I have set near someone that after every couple of bites of popcorn they then shook the bag a couple of times. I don’t know why, maybe to get the butter spread or something; but it was horribly annoying. Then there is the person that for some reason even after there is no drink coming up their straw they have to keep trying. They take a loud sip, then slam their straw around on the ice, and try again. Just open the damn cup, take out a piece of ice, and put it in your mouth.
If you fall into one of the above categories, please just stop it. Or maybe consider waiting until it comes out on DVD so you can do all your obnoxious habits in the comfort of your own home.